People’s perception of you varies based on the time of your life they meet and get to know you. It’s logical I guess, but kinda funny too now that I’ve been thinking about it.
I dated a guy for few months earlier this year. I was in a very unusual place in my life as I had just started to recover from a burnout, and I really do mean just started. I was not happy at my work place anymore but other than that, felt happy about my other career choises and how things were going. This led me to a situation where I felt conflicted, going from highs to lows, swapping from a job role to another on a daily bases. The other part made me happy, the other part killed me. I struggled with what to do and felt so much pressure and stress and was tired half of the time. The man knew I was a bit of a workaholic and did not judge me for that, but there was no way he could have known that the tired stress ball I was at the time, was really unusual of me and simply a period I had to go trough to get to the other side, to the side of more happiness and balance.
We decided to not keep on dating, mostly due to what we call a bad timing of our lives, but I have to wonder; could things have been different if we’d stuck with it for a month longer? To the point where I now had left the job that made me miserable, stressed out and tired, and felt like a new person with hopes, energy and lots of free time? Well, we’ll never know, but what I do know is that he missed out the more fun Eeva - and I take a partial responsibility of that!
As I said I was now reborn, focusing on staying happy and decisive to invest more on my free time and social life. I was in no rush to start to work 24/7 again but rather focused to chill for a few weeks and gather strength, as I knew I was about to jump in to the busy and productive working wheel soon enough.
At this point I met a new person and we got to know each other a bit within few weeks. During these weeks not once did this person saw me doing any work or going to work. I mean, not once. The fact is I worked, but hell of a lot less than usually, and talked more about life in general than work related issues. I was trying to be on a mental holiday (which I so deserved!) and do as little as possible - so not typical of me haha, but this person had no way of knowing that taking time for myself and off work has been a very true struggle for me, for years now.
When I told him how driven I am, how demanding I am to myself and to other people I work with, and that I’m a really hard worker, he actually looked at me like I was joking. And this is partially why I think it’s so funny how it actually molds our image of a person, the exact time when you get to know someone.
On to the third example. I was getting to know a new person trough social media, which is not what I usually do. This person however seemed sweet and very optimistic and that was exactly what I needed in my life and felt I can add those same elemenst to her life too. We decided to meet and hang out and I also straight away suggested we could try and take photos of each other while we hang out, as we are both very active on social media. If you know me, you know that is something new to me; I’ve done my own photos for years and never have wanted to bother any of my friends with it. But did she know that, like, really know that? I guess not.
We met a couple of times, hang out and took pictures too, and I really liked her (still do tho!). But what happened is that she somehow felt I was using her and that actually blowed my mind. Not once have I ever had anyone said that to me in any occasion, nor would I ever try and use anyone for any fukkin cause. To be perfectly clear, I’m not mad at her the least, I’m simply very strict to not to use anyone and for someone to think that of me, is very upsetting and sad.
All good in the end tho, we talked it all trough and still like each other - and now even know each other a bit better than before! ;)
One more. A quick one that made me laugh just a few days ago. I talked with this guy whom I’ve known for years now. We talked about cooking, cleaning and generally being a nurturing spirit of the home, in comparison to a person who parties, goes out a lot and lives a wild single life. I said I cook all the time, love to stay at home with my dog and never go clubbing. He said “What?! But we met at a night out?!” Oh yes we certainly did, seven fukkin years ago, and even then, I was not clubbing, I came to see a rock band and bumped in to you mate.
All of this makes me wonder, how many of us really even see other people how they actually are? Like really? Do we listen to each other enough? Do we try and get to know the person without a bunch of fukkin prejudices? What do you think?
I try my best to NOT to think that someone is a certain type but rather that this is how he or she reacts or acts on this certain occasion right at this moment for one reason or another. You can not label people based on how you guys meet or on a short period of time. You can not know right away what he/she is going trough or has gone trough just before they met you.
If something becomes a pettern, then it’s a pattern and you know more what he/she is like. That’s another story, right?
What I do is I tell people I’m honest to the bone. You can trust what I say is real and true. You don’t have to guess with me. The rest of it, I’ll leave it up to you. You decide whether you trust people or don’t. You decide whether to hold on to a certain perception or to be open to learn about someone. It’s not in my control nor do I need it to be. I’m just gonna keep being me and if you stick with me long enough, and openly enough, you’ll eventually get to see all of me.
Feed the fire! / Eeva