I’m strong enough to allow myself to be weak. I’m strict enough I won’t feel threatened to be flexible. I know myself well enough you couldn’t make me doubt me. I’m brave enough to let you hurt me. I’m the type of woman you go to war beside. Yet sometimes I’m so afraid it scares the crap out of me. Afraid of anything and everything.
But it’s OKAY. Fear is only natural and sometimes a cruzial part of life and to me, fear can be a measure of something’s worth. I believe if it doesn’t scare you one bit it’s not worth it. If it doesn’t scare you it won’t help you grow. Therefore you shouldn’t be too afraid to be afraid, at least to the point you allow it to control or cripple you.
Fear is not always a rational emotion or come from reasonable sources. But how you act on it, can still be rational. And even if it’s not, just make sure it’s more helpful than harmful, to you and to others.
So what is it that I’ve been so afraid of lately? Rationally or irrationally?
I’ve been afraid of working in the cost of the other part of my life. I’ve been afraid of letting go of control in a fear I’ll mess up my life. I’ve been afraid I’ll loose everything I’ve been building on. I’ve been afraid of missing out my potential. I’ve been afraid of the possibility of making the wrong choises. I’ve been afraid my stress would come back. I’ve been afraid to let people in as I’ve been hurt so much. I’ve been afraid of people’s kindness is a way to use me. I’ve been afraid my high standards for things will be the block for me. I’ve been afraid to be misread. I’ve been afraid to be judged. I’ve been afraid not to be trusted. I’ve been afraid of anything and everything.
If you’ve read this far you might now feel “oh, she’s a mess”, but the truth is, I’m not. I accept fear as a natural part of my life and march on nevertheless. When I allow myself to be scared and prolong my next steps I actually feed and grow from the fear.
I’m not ashamed to be honest about my fears and emotions, nor should You. Quite the opposite actually - be proud to be humane. Feel crippled by fear sometimes if you need to, but never let control you, stop you, define you or outshine you.
Fear can be a sign that you are growing and life is happening. So fukkin embrace it.
Feed the fire! / Eeva