Eeva Roots2 Comments

3 years ago to this date - The moment I admitted to myself I am an artist and there's no going back

Eeva Roots2 Comments
3 years ago to this date - The moment I admitted to myself I am an artist and there's no going back

Facebook reminded me of something I wrote exactly 3 years ago and I immediately felt the need to share it with you guys, so today I'll take you back in time. I sincerely hope you get something out of this to ponder, acknowledge or to be inspired from.

"I have finally understood that I am an artist, and admitted it to myself. I've always thought of myself as a creative type, but fought to keep the creativity to myself, as my personal hobbies and enjoyment, and out of my work.

I worked in the field of trade for ten years. I can't say I've seen it all, but I've seen a lot. Seriously, A LOT. The passion for the industry is still very much alive, even though some people out there burned me out. They burned me out to the point I now feel I couldn't even work in the same jobs anymore.

I know I've done so much to become this person I am now. The amount of shit I've swallowed is insane. I've danced to the rhythms that aren't connected to mine. The person I have got to grown to, to mold into, there's no turning back anymore.

I am not the type of artist who has her head so up in the clouds I can't see the reality. Not just a dreamer. Actually I don't think many artist are. I work my ass off just to survive the next day - and am not getting paid or paying myself any salary. Doing creative work does not mean I just sit on my ass and do a little this and little that and have a million different hobbies that keep me happy. My job includes so many different stages and sections in which all of my professionals skills and persistance is been measured every single day. I use everything I got, everything I know and all of my energy to get to the next phase and eventually to build something that will last.

I know for a fact and understand that most companies will not get to see tomorrow, and the first try is most likely to fail. (Though I don't believe in failing, only leraning.) So many strong ideas and so many talented and strong entrepreneurs will not get past 2 years, it's definitely not only the weak who will fall off.

I am diligent and more than willing to sink my hands in the shit. I work 40-80 hours every single week, (reminder: am not getting paid), I most certainly am not lazy. I put in the hours.

You need some money for paying the bills and to survive, believe me, I'm not naive. But to put in all of my hours to some other job, a basic job that would allow me to have a normal salary, would mean that I would have to push my passions aside, my dreams aside, my long-term goals aside, and therefore I would have to kill the person I have grown into. I would honestly be completely miserable with my entire being. I fukkin live to create!

For someone who gets a monthly wage or has nice incomes, usually struggles to understand this. To understand what I do and for God sake why, especially when it does not bring any food to the table. I'm not even living the hand to mouth type of life as I do not have incomes. These people usually see me as just playing around and having fun with my "spare time", having some hobbies just to keep myself happy (btw I'm laughing so hard right now). That is something I'd rather not hear anymore. I'm not running around like a chicken without a head enjoying my time, I'm actually working in very organized way and prioritizing every single task on the table.

In what I do, success doesn't come overnight. Its' more realistic to think it might take thousands and thousands of nights. But in those moments when you nail something or achieve something, in those moments when you feel you're moving forward, in those moments when you realize people are noticing you and the work you put out, in those moments, lies the beauty of it. This is what you work for and you son't stop when it gets rough (and it gets - IT IS rough).

I've always known I have so much to give in this life. In what form, how and to whom, is still a mystery. Before I considered it to be my relationships and what you'd say a basic standard work, as to nowadays I feel it's primarily my artistic work. I've had to leave some old friends behind and some have faded away in time, I've abandoned a nice salary and I can taste the stress like blood in my mouth almost every day. But I know I'll survive somehow. I will survive because I know this is what I was meant to do, and I know I'm meant to share my story with all of it's struggles and successes one day, to share pieces of hope, inspiration and faith.

Last but not least, I would like to thank each and every one who has believed in me and I hope to meet more people in the future who are willing to give a chance to show what I'm made of and capable of. Because chances, they are what every artists and entrepreneur needs to survive and succeed."

Any thoughts about this post?

Feed the fire! / Eeva

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