In a modern world of dating where people change partners more often than their socks, treat others like objects to fill their own wants and needs, where people are being polite and nice only to the moment they get what they wanted or have been clearly showed they're not going to get it, I wonder, is there any room in the dating scene for a down to earth and somewhat old-fashioned person? I'm still undecided.
So what is this modern dating scene and why can't we all seem to fit in?
Some study claims that we are now dating 6 people at once. For those who are, the normal assumption is that they are putting themselves out there. But that can also be a sign of insecurity, greed, hesitation or even exploitation. Sure it can as well mean that you are a fun loving, carefree, brave or adventorous person. But dating multiple people at once is not always a sign of putting yourself out there - and on the other hand, not dating does not always mean that you aren't.
Maybe it comes down to how we, ourseleves, define what dating means to us and why do we chose to do it or not to it it. I think the most important thing is to meet and date the people who think like we do, so there will be less disappointments, deceit and exploitation - and more connecting and enjoying life.
Other study shows that you need to date at least 50 people to find the one for you. Sounds kind of exhausting, right? Unless you really enjoy the ride! My challenge with this is a) time, b) lack of gentlemen (when it used to be "Wanna have this dance?" and "Can I take you out for a dinner?" now it's just "Here's a picture of my dick.") and c) that I only focus on one person at a time. If there's somebody that I'm interested I block every other person out of my mind (and life) leaving no room for others to impress me. I do the opposite of what a modern dater should do: I don't keep my options open, I put all my eggs in one basket. And if there's not an interesting basket to be found I simply do nothing to improve my dating life but continue to happily enjoy other stuff in my life.
Ironically now that I do not date at all it's also the longest period of time I've had Tinder, I've had it for 2 months now. So what's the catch, why aren't I meeting anyone? I DON'T REALLY USE IT.
Reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental, and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they otherwise would be in a face-to-face meeting. Allthough I don't consider myself to be a superficial person of course when using an app that firstly shows you people's faces you do attend to be more focused on the looks than you might be in real life. When I think about the very best pictures I've ever seen of all of my exes not one would get me to swipe right on Tinder. So there's that piece of reality check; only few men look Really good in pictures but can be very handsome and charming in real life, so I favor real life encounters.
Dating apps also gives a different conception about women and men. Many men make the assumption that if a woman has an online dating presence, she’s interested in having sex with relative strangers. I'm smart enough to know that what men that are strangers to me think of me does not really matter, but still, it kind of makes me not want to have a profile anywhere.
And then there's this. The people I usually meet I meet by work, one way or another. If by any chance I would be interested in anybody I meet by work I would still consider it to be highly inappropriate to send any type of signals implying I'm interested. It would be a completely different thing if I were working somewhere but now that the business is me I represent myself and my business everywhere I go (unless I'm buying groceries or walking my dog, that is when I hardly represent even a human being), and that is the single most dramatic thing that has affected my dating life.
But luckily I'm not the type of girl who wants or needs that much action or a busy dating life. I am and always have been the type that sometimes gets hit by a thunder and that's it, suddenly I'm in love and in a a great relationship with the man of my dreams. Until then, I'm kind of pleased to have great platonic relationships.
And to men who are asking me out because they think I'm lonely just because I'm open about being single - please don't. Single does not always mean lonely, quite the opposite, it can mean Really happy.
And speaking of happiness; the day a man makes me happier than chips that is when I can start dating.
Feed the fire! / Eeva
PHOTOS: Eeva Roots
TOP AND JEANS: https://www.missyempire.com/