Lost all of my doubt

I've been single for a year now. Have I been lonely at times? Yes. Have I wished I had a significant other? No.

I've been focusing on rebuilding my self; lifting my self mentally and upgrading my life to a higher level. I have found new strenght in me and in addition of having dreams I've actually started believing in myself more than ever before. I still have my fears, but I've lost all of my doubts.

I've come a long way since last June and it has been lot of work. Not because I had been in pieces but because I had to set my priorities straight. For someone who has always prioritized close relationships it has not been easy to say "I put myself first". But I'm here, and I'm here with this state of mind. I made it, and feel complete.

l've met new people and dated one incredible guy too. What they all have in common is that they all bring joy to my life but also faith in who I am and what I do. I feel like I am more than enough and that is what I did not feel this time a year ago. These people have in no way been decreasing my happiness, just the opposite. There's this great synergy that I can't even explain. The people you let in your life play a big part in the entirety called happiness.

At the very moment I'm defining the things that make me THE HAPPIEST. What are the situations I feel most alive in, what excites me the most and what makes me grow even more. When I think about these things and situations there's no dating involved, and no longing for deeper love. This was a revealing insight for me. It kind of gives me the permission to keep focusing on myself.

I try to keep this in mind. "What excites you and scares you the most? Go do just that."

My friends know I've never been the one to say "the timing is not right". I've jumped into a new relationship after a week from breaking up with someone. My state of mind has always been that if a great man is HANDED to me, there's no fukkin way I would turn my back on the possibility of a life lasting love.

I have somewhat been struggling with the idea of a more meaningful relationship and could it fit into my current world, and the fact is that I'm not the same person I was, not right now. I'm not willing to prioritize a close relationship as I know myself too well; it would mean slowing down with my other dreams. My dreams are very much career related and I'm gonna go after them this time around.

We'll see what happens in the long run but now it just so happens that...

I am here. I made it. And I feel complete.

Feed the fire! / Eeva